The Great iCloud of Witnesses

Being the seventh child in a family of nine, and the middle girl, probably contributes to the desire to be considered unique and “special” and (more and more rarely) attracting attention. Until I reached my mid-30’s I thought I wanted to be famous and fairly craved admiration. The theatre offered a place where applause was nectar to my soul. Of course if affirmation was nectar, criticism – whether constructive or cruel – was poison and would cripple me emotionally for weeks. One day, many years ago, I was on the news while apartment hunting. I can’t explain the panic that set in at being made so public in face and name. I felt so exposed! Maybe I could have gotten over it, maybe not, but today I’m so thankful that God kept me from what I thought was “my heart’s desire”. Holy moly.

I'm Nobody! Who are you? 
Are you-Nobody - too?
Then there's a pair of us!
Don't tell! they'd advertise - you know!

How dreary - to be - Somebody!
How public - like a Frog - 
To tell one's name - the livelong June - 
To an admiring Bog!

Emily Dickinson

The deeper longing, the one that isn’t looking for the junk food that “The Most Special Girl” (one of my many false selves) craves, is simply the God-Given desire to be valued as a creative woman who has a right to take up space and contribute.

Given the popularity of social media, it’s no secret that humanity is in a true crisis of need for recognition (and with that, validation), information, and connection – all beautiful desires of course, but the grotesque manifestation of the need today creates a pit in my stomach. Has God given us over to our craving for connection? I get heartsick when in conversation with someone and they look down at their phone. I lose connection while they seem to be gaining it with some Other who’s not even there. Has God stepped back and allowed us to see what connection and recognition look like apart from His mercy, grace and loving gaze? For some in this world, a Social Credit Score is “granted” based on one’s fabulous complicity with government-imposed mores even when they believe they’re acting in anonymity. https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-all-seeing-surveillance-state-feared-in-the-west-is-a-reality-in-china-1498493020

Still, we all crave a life that is witnessed, so we splash our activities, experiences, meals, and inner-thoughts on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and yes this, my own, website.  And we crave the “Red Meat” of the next political scandal. So now that we have been given what we crave – the craving is never satisfied but keeps needing more perversity to keep it fed, much like pornography. Our lives are so witnessed, so public, so judged, opinionated, shamed and shaming, condemned and condemning, it’s nearly impossible to return to a lean diet of contemplation, privacy,  solitude, humility, grace, and contentment – even if we want to unplug and push our chairs back from the virtual “community” table.

While the meat was yet between their teeth, before it was consumed, the Lord’s anger was kindled against the people and the Lord struck down the people with a very great plague. Therefore the name of that place was called Kibroth-hattaavah, (“The Graves of Craving”) because there they buried the people who had the craving.  

Numbers 11:33 & 34

God designed us – “hard wired us”, as Brene Brown says – for connection. Brown has built an empire on this truth. Connection is such a rising need in this world of isolation-of-people and intimacy-with-screens, that in God’s mercy, He has given us over to the “Internet of Things” and now there’s so much “connection” that our homes and cars monitor us and “help” us function in areas of personal responsibility. The Internet plays parent to our orphaned, lonely soul or our autonomous self-made monarchy: “Turn off my light, Siri.” “Sing to me, Alexa.” “Tell me what to eat, where to eat, how often to eat.” “What’s my heart rate? Am I too stressed?” “How many friends do I have?” “Where are my friends right now?!?” “Do they approve?” “Are they all doing something fabulous without me???”

The devil isn’t creative in the purest sense of the word, he can only imitate and steal, and he wants what Jesus has, namely, supremacy. So I look at what the alarming “trends” are in earthly matters, to see what’s really “trending” in the supernatural. What if all this “witnessing”  that is devouring us on earth is a mockery of the connection that is actually going on in heaven and here in The Kingdom that is exists in the Body of Christ? What if The Real Great Cloud of Witnesses that Paul describes for us, is being drawn to heaven’s mezzanine to watch the Final Act of Earth’s History play out?

Therefore since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12: 1, 2

All Believers on Earth and in Heaven are connected by the modem of The Holy Spirit, to God Himself. What a thing to ponder! This world is longing for oneness with beauty and kindness, while it is beauty and connection with God that Jesus prayed for in John 17: 22. “The glory (radiant beauty) that you have given to me I have given to them, that they may be one, even as we are one.” We are connected to Glory, to Beauty, to Peace, to everything that is Real, because Jesus prayed the very heart of God. It is finished, we are simply called to patiently endure and shine like the stars.

After so many years of enlisting the false self of Performer in order to gain approval and “love” I’m learning to conduct myself in ways not to gain acceptance, but because I am already loved and belong to a Royal Family. My audience on earth isn’t nearly as important as my audience in heaven.   What if right now all my relatives in heaven, my in-laws, and those saints who have prayed for me, are watching with anticipation, their hands positioned to applaud every time I choose to respond with grace and love, resisting the temptation to react in fear and anger to the ever-increasing darkness and chaos? I used to love hearing the whirring noise of my dad’s video camera in the auditorium during performances… oh, may I hear the whirring of the Holy Spirit perpetually in my ears as He records my inner-most life for public viewing in Eternity.

For now we see through a glass, darkly, but then we shall see face to face.; for now I know in part, but then, I shall know even as I also, am fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:12